Chapter 119: Ill Be Back
I have something to say.
One day Alan said. It was such a lazy weekend afternoon, sitting opposite a teacup, he read a newspaper and I read a book I deliberately chose not to be the sad one.
What do you want to say?
If he rhymes this way, its usually one of two. Its very good news, or vice versa.
Alan has no expression, so hell have a straight face even before he delivers the good news. He doesnt know how to make eyes like a child, or expressions that cant leave the corners of his lips straight with excitement.
But I felt a sense of insecurity that he couldnt hide. No matter how unemotional he may be, he wouldnt put on such a gloomy look before bringing out the good news.
Huuu.
Alan sighed deeply. At this point, I thought that he would not have been able to read the newspaper he was holding at all. His face was more serious than the face he had focused his eyes on when he occasionally read documents.
Then, an unimaginable story came out of his lips.
Melissa, ArchHills.
ArchHills?
Your grandmother died.
What?
I hardened with a cup in my hand.
Are you saying that my grandmother died?
How do you know that? Did you attach people to my family?
.
It was irresistible to remember the days when he was not my lover, but a mysterious man. Feeling cramped and afraid..
Then I had a hallucination in which Alans white face, looking at me, suddenly changed into a creepy mask.
Answer me, Alan.
Alan, who folded the newspaper and put it down on the table, said in a low voice.
While you are here I bought a house for the four people who were leaving the family for severance pay. On the outskirts of Florin and Solvern, ArchHills and piccom.
The four place names he recited were respectively the two-story house where my mother was, the garrison of my father, the mansion of my aunt and grandmother, and the place where Viola was located.
It felt like the blood all over my body was getting cold. The hand that had set the teacup on the saucer was trembling, and a rattling sound echoed through the room.
What do you mean by that? You try to spy on my people.
I was just getting word on what was going on there. Just in case you need to know I dont think you should miss it because of me.
.
I could do nothing but stare at him in disbelief. The clenched fist and the inside of the biting lip were tingling as much as it was terrifying.
Ive learned a few things, but I havent told you.
Ha What are you trying to say now?
Because I dont agree with the saying that there are more things in the world that are better not to know.
.
I was afraid that my mistakes would remind you of your frightening times.
Alans low voice was as deep and calm as ever. But his eyes were clearly shaking.
So what is the fact that you found out?
What are you afraid of?
The child raised by your one and only friend.
Marty?
I found out that the child isnt her husbands biological son.
Ha, I hastily closed my lips with a sigh.
I dont think your close friend and her husband know yet. If you want, Ill send a letter to Piccom writing this down, right now.
.
A lot of thoughts crossed my mind. I grappled with my innocent nails.
No, dont do that.
Dont tell her?
Theyre happy as they are. Dont stir it for no reason and let them be happy.
I dont have the right to judge what they want, but if theyve been cherishing their happiness as if they were blowing a shiny bubble, I dont have the right to burst it.
I asked nervously, concluding that.
What else? You said a few, so theres more, right?
Your father.
.
That word made my eyes widened and my heart fell to the ground. Did something happen to father? Maybe an accident at the garrison?
My head buzzed as if I were standing on the edge of a cliff. I was so terrified that I even remembered Tobias.
Alan, who saw me bite my lips, said with a confused look.
Has a woman. Even if he returns to the capital, he wont go back home because he has already set up a different house.
.
Its a heartbreaking story, but Ive definitely heard it in Arch Hill before coming to the Principality.
My grandmother told me that my parents were experiencing the same problem she had with late grandfather. She thought I knew the truth, but I didnt know anything. I can only vaguely guess that my mother hid fathers affair because she thought of me.
Maybe your mother already knows.
.
Yes, I guess so.
When I heard my grandaunts insinuation, I tried to cover up the uncomfortable truth without further digging. If I go back to the kingdom, I think Ill be able to meet him then.
However, how long can I turn a blind eye to my mothers depression and sadness?
I came to one conclusion from the truths Alan told me. Perhaps he was expecting too. Theres only one answer I can expect from him who gave me these facts.
I have to go to the kingdom, Alan. Let me go to Grandmas funeral.
Im sure its over.
It doesnt matter, so let me go.
.
Alan looked at me with frozen lake eyes. The gaze made my heart ache.
If you let me know these facts just to stop me from going to Sourne, its really Its unforgivable, Alan.
Melissa.
Just because its not a bad intention doesnt mean its right, you know.
Our fragrant afternoon was changing desperately. I was trembling for fear that a part of me would fear him again.
You are right, I did tell you to let you go.
Alan will never know that his answer at that moment sounded like a relief.
But when I think youre crossing the sea without me.
.
I cant breathe, Melissa. Im afraid you wont come back.
Oh, my God.
If youre not coming, Ill chase you and lock you up again,
Alan
Theres no way I can do it.
The heavy breathing was intense. His overbearing, lofty shoulders looked somewhat fragile today.
Alan, you thought I didnt know that I wasnt locked up anymore?
I had a strange experience where my lips moved automatically.
Youve withdrawn all the guards at the main gate.
.
I knew it. Its my will not to get out of here, so.
The bird did not forget how to fly, nor did its wings bend. My eyes suddenly heated up.
Ill be back. Though I dont know how long it will take.
.
At that very moment, I saw something twinkle and fall from the corner of Allens eyes.
Alan!
It was the first time I saw Alan cry. I thought my heart would explode just by seeing his shoulders shake in fear that I might leave forever, but I cant believe that was because he was holding back his tears.
Perhaps you have already become a body that cannot live outside the sea.
But its been a long time already since I cant live without you.
It was so natural for me to rise up and approach crying Alan and hold his face in my arms. Like a waltz with a set motion.
Ive soaked his chest countless times, but it was the first time Id hugged Alan crying.
Ill be back. Youre already part of me, and theres no way I can take it off.
.
That doesnt make sense. I stroked his hair and whispered. Like caressing a small animal.
Are there any parts that are bigger than the body?
Alan smiled in my arms.
Its such a small body.
Now youre being hugged by me.
Replying sharply, I buried my face in the back of his neck. Then he took a deep breath. The only thing in the world that lasts forever is the word eternity, but his firm body that I want to remember clearly even at the end of my life.
As the moment that resembled eternity passed like that, Alan whispered softly.
You are such a kind and gentle person.
What, all of a sudden.
Dont be forced to come back because I cherish you. Make the choice you want, Melissa.
He was clearly in my arms, but his voice sounded strangely distant. I asked, caressing Alans nightly hair.
What if I dont come back?
Well.
Alan answered with a low voice, as if he didnt want to think.
Ill send someone immediately to the kingdom.
What?
But I have to suppress my desire to do it Ill have to live the rest of my life with the memories you gave me.
His words reminded me of Madame Kerneys words for some reason.
Everything was beautiful.
About the beautiful and distant separation
After all, the only thing that keeps me alive is the memories of that time.
Somehow I laughed hard because I felt like I was going to cry. Im comforting Alan now. I cant cry with him.
How many months will my stake be worth? There will be memories left behind by your past lovers.
Youre making me sad. You were the only woman I had.
Huh?
I grabbed his shoulder and jerked it out of his arms. Alan was looking up at me with stunned eyes, with a twinkling smile
Then Im the first. No, but how.
.
As if you knew all the ways in me.
Then Alan chuckled, and I raised my voice because I thought I knew the answer.
Did you dream of me too? Already in your dream!
Melissa.
Alan chuckled. Like an innocent child. However, a rather colorful smile hung around the beautiful lips.
This isnt a bedroom.
.
Servants are listening.
Ah!
Only then did I realize that we were drinking tea in the tea room of the main building, and that there were some servants surrounding us.
I even made eye contact with the maid who came to fill the tea cup and stepped back with awkward steps.
My mind went blank and my face was burning and I was dizzy.
Your share
Alan wrapped his hand around the back of my neck and pulled me.
Of course its the rest of my life, Melissa.
Alhup
My love that knows no shame.
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