Chapter 554 Pissing off Angels (As a Couple!)
"H-Honey, you're burning up..."
"You only have yourself to blame for it... Who told you to kiss me like that if you weren't trying to start something...?"
"I-I don't think it's me, but I will accept the responsibility... And since you're getting hot, you should take this off..."
"Why is your heart beating so fast as if you haven't seen me shirtless a million and one times before?"
"I-It certainly is not..."
"Forcibly slowing your heart rate does nothing when I can feel how nervous you are, love."
"D-Don't embarrass me... I want it right here..."
"Beg me for-"
"WHAT ARE YOU TWO DEVIANTS DOINGGG!!??" Michael and his siblings roared in definitive disgust.
Abaddon and Seras froze in place amongst the rubble of a ruined building and within a sea of golden flames.
Her hands were pinned behind her head as she lay on her back, being held firmly in place by her husband.
She had only barely started to use her tail to lift up his shirt when they were so rudely interrupted.
""Do you mind?!""
"Yes!" Michael roared.
"...Sounds like someone is jealous he's not getting any." Seras muttered.
"That's what it sounds like to me too. I was also that pent up and angry when I was a virgin."
Scoffing to himself, Abaddon lifted Seras up into his arms in a princess carry and she flipped off the angels before wrapping her arms around his neck.
"Since you're feeling so hostile, my love and I will find another region to explore. What rude hosts you are… or am I the host now?"
Abaddon and Seras were gone in a poof, but Michael and the rest of his siblings remained; each of them with veins bulging from their foreheads.
"He... is making a mockery of us..!"
"He is still here with her, I can feel it!"
"Find him, now!"
In an instant, the seven archangels rocketed away to different corner of the heavenly domain.
Once they were gone, the angel choir seemed to snap out of their hypnotic state and realized they were standing in the street mere feet away from a large flaming crater.
"How did we...?"
"Is that brother Michael's power?"
"My throat is a little sore..."
With no idea of what happened to them, the gathering of angels merely stood around scratching their heads.
-
In a section of heaven where the dead dwell in their own perceived paradise, Abaddon and Seras had sprung free two famous individuals.
One, Christopher (B.I.G) Wallace, was a heavyset man with darker skin and a short black haircut.
The other, Tupac Shakur, was a man of a slightly lighter complexion with a bald head and a goatee.
With the greatest of interest in their eyes, the two dragons leaned forward like they were hanging off the men's every word.
"Alright, now tell us honestly..." Abaddon began. "Who did it?"
The men gave their answers and Abaddon and Seras' eyes went wide.
"I knew he had something to do with it!"
"I told you babe."
"Yes, yes."
Abaddon waived his hand and the two famous artists disappeared and returned to their peaceful afterlives.
"Oh! Let's find Michael Jackson now, I want to ask if he really liked kids like they say!" Seras suddenly exclaimed.
"If he's not here, that should answer your question, shouldn't it?"
Seras' mouth fell open from shock. "Don't joke, is he really not here?"
Abaddon smiled and prepared to answer when he was suddenly cut off.
"DESTROYERRR!!! Free my brethren from the confines of your trickery!" Uriel roared.
Uriel unsheathed a shining gold and silver sword from her side and swung it in a downwards arc with all of her power.
Without Abaddon even doing anything, Seras jumped in front of him and caught the blade between her palms.
The resulting shockwave was powerful enough that it could have destabilized an entire continent and caused it to sink into the ground like an earthworm.
Abaddon looked from behind Seras with a kind of clueless and innocent look on his face.
"You were much nicer to me before… I wonder what's changed."
"Y-You fooled me with your appearance! I have no more sympathy to give you now that my mind has been adjusted!" Uriel yelled.
Abaddon tilted his head to the side in a somewhat confused manner as he pointed at himself.
"So this appearance does nothing for you...? That's new."
Uriel gritted her teeth as her ears turned dark red.
"Ah, nevermind, I sense it now…" he muttered. "Funny, I kinda thought angels would be above carnal acts."
"I-I am not-"
"HEY!!!"
Seras sprouted an additional pair of arms from right underneath her original pair and struck Uriel across the face so hard that part of her skin was torn away by Seras' knuckles.
She went flying like a tennis ball across a court and hit the ground rolling.
On the other hand, Seras turned around and started glaring at Abaddon, but he was more interested in her new arms.
"That's cute, you're just like me-"
"Don't try to change the subject! What do you mean to do by flirting with this bitch right in front of me?! And what the hell is this about last time!? Explain yourself!"
Abaddon made an 'X' symbol with his arms. "I was certainly not flirting. And when I came here as a child I was drawn to to her because she favors Malenia."
"WHICH parts of you were drawn to her specifically?!"
"Seras."
"Fine!" She folded her arms across her large chest and made an annoyed expression.
Abaddon, loving husband that he was, found this display to be quite cute.
So cute in fact that he couldn't resist pulling her close to him and slipping his hands onto her butt.
"Honestly, when you are this enticing, how could you ever expect me to fall for anyone else with you in mind?"
Seras continued to feign agitation, but the swaying of her tail and familiar scent coming from between her thighs gave her true feelings away.
And Abaddon reveled in the weight of her attraction to him.
He was famously immune to compliments, but surprisingly becoming the personification of sexuality had provided a giant chink in his armor.
In that moment, he likely would have taken her right there if they were in friendlier surroundings, but unfortunately now wasn't the time.
"...Ready for our next adventure, my love?"
"With you? Always."
Seras smiled impossibly wide as she wrapped her arms around her husband.
She was having so much fun with him on this impromptu date of theirs, but she took greater pleasure in knowing that he was as well.
It felt good to know that... even if she didn't have the correct words to talk him through his troubles, she could at least help to get them off his mind.
As the couple held each other lovingly, they disappeared into thin air and left Uriel behind as she tried to pick herself up.
The skin on her face was regrowing slowly, and her broken skull was starting to piece itself together.
Miraculously, her siblings appeared around her not long afterwards and helped her get back to her feet.
"By the light!"
"We lost him again!"
"This game of theirs does not amuse..."
"Where has he gone now, sister? Did he say anything to you??"
Uriel got to her feet and tried nurse her staggeringly unpleasant headache.
"I-If they said nothing, I wasn't in a place of mind to hear it... That woman hits harder than any beast I have ever known... she makes the 72 look like dandelions."
"Wonderful." Zadkiel said in annoyance. "Which of the brides is this by chance?"
"I-I don't..."
"Perfect... so we have no idea what her powers are or what we are walking into."
"It doesn't matter." Michael interrupted. "For now, we just need to-"
At that moment, the entire realm of heaven trembled as if it was undergoing a seismic event.
The eyes of all seven archangels widened in clear disbelief.
"Did he just... open the gates?"
-
Currently, Abaddon and Seras were standing next to each other, side by side.
However, they looked drastically different from normal.
They were in their human forms, and wearing white robes that unfortunately concealed their unspeakably sexy physiques.
But what was even more surprising were the shapeshifted angel wings coming from their backs.
Standing on fluffy clouds right in front of the large golden gates that led in to heaven, the two of them peered down the infiniently long staircase beneath them.
And at the millions of human souls awaiting entry.
In front of a wooden pew, there was a large open book in front of Abaddon, and it automatically flipped to the corresponding page.
"Alright... Ah, here we are. Edna Miller."
The old woman in the front of the line smiled as she stepped up.
Though inwardly, she had already begun to side eye Abaddon and Seras from the moment she saw them.
"Born 1933 in Mississipi Tennessee, married with three children, a 34 year career as a school teacher and an avid church goer; having never missed a service in your entire life. Died from a slip and fall in the kitchen."
The old woman beamed with pride.
"Butttt..." The page of the book suddenly turned for Abaddon.
"It says here you orchestrated hate crimes against six- no, sixteen different men and women of different backgrounds. Sorry, I'm not used to having just two eyes anymore."
"Isn't it four with those cute glasses on your face, darling?" Seras teased.
"Ha-ha, very funny."
"I thought so."
Edna began to sweat as Abaddon kept reading. "Now where was I... Ah, yes, denied homeless persons food and shelter and even verbally, and physically acosted them on multiple occasions. Oh heavens, you're quite the overachiever."
"It's weird to hear you talking like this, babe." Seras added as she fiddled with her robes.
"I'm trying to at least act the part. I don't know if the wings are really hoping to sell the whole thing."
"I don't think she really knows the difference though."
"Fair point."
"So is that all? or is there more?"
"No, theres some more stuff in here about how she beat two of her daughters into hospital visits after one announced her decision to follow a new faith and the other came out of the closet."
"Despicable, just despicable."
"She also shot their dog as punishment."
"Irredeemable!"
"Yes, I thought so too."
Abaddon closed the book with a massive angelic smile. "Entrance denied!"
"N-No! I can't go to hell, I did everything right!"
"I literally just told you that you didn't though... but alright." Abaddon shrugged. "How about oblivion instead?"
"W-What..?"
At that moment, an eerily familiar dark door appeared in the air above the old woman's head.
As it's ancient wood creaked open, black chains reached out from the darkness and yanked the old woman up by her scalp.
Once they slammed closed, the doors to oblivion disappeared like they were never there.
"Can I do the next one, honey?"
"Sure, let me show you how to-"
"Ah, excuse me..."
Looking down, Abaddon found a young child standing in line all by her lonesome.
Her head was bald, and she had a small hospital gown covering her frail little body.
She had bright, innocent brown eyes that were full of wonder, and she used her small hands to absentmindedly twirl her thumbs.
"Am I... going to that dark place too?"
Abaddon smiled softly as he dropped to one knee and held out his arms.
And instinctively, the child ran to him.
"Of course not, Courtney. You're going to get the V.I.P treatment, I assure you."
As the young girl smiled, Seras instinctively came to their side to introduce herself.
But at that moment, the archangels appeared around in the air around Abaddon and Seras.
"We grow tired of these games of yours, Vovin..." Michael said sternly. "Put the child down, and come with us quietly."
Courtney looked back and forth between Abaddon and Seras before she patted him on top of his red hair that she assumed to be dyed.
"Vo.. Vovin..? Is that your name?"
Abaddon nodded as he smiled.
"That's cool..."
At this, the dragon's smile grew wider and wider before he glanced at the angels in the sky.
"Sorry, pigeons... I think I may like to keep this one."
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