I Became the Simp Character I Roasted Online

Listen to me closely. Never, and I mean NEVER, leave a hate comment on a game forum right before you die.

My name used to be... well, it doesn't matter. I was a 34-year-old salaryman who died in the stupidest way possible.

How? I got slapped to death for grabbing a high school girl’s “assets”.

Wait, hold on! Don't look at me like that! It wasn't my fault, okay? My hand just moved on its own! It was just a tiny, split-second intrusive thought! Come on, you guys reading this—don't act like saints. You’ve had those dark urges too, right? You’ve wanted to grab something forbidden at least once in your life, right?! RIGHT?!

Anyway, she slapped me. So hard my soul literally ejected from my body.

I thought that was the punishment. I was wrong.

When I opened my eyes, I was in [Legends of Valtheris]. Yes, that trash game. The one with the cliché plot where the world ends because some teenage students get their hearts broken.

And the worst part? I didn't become the Hero. I didn't become the Villain. I became Revan von Alstaire.

The background character. The loser. The guy I literally insulted online five minutes before I died. I called him a “Simp” and laughed at his “Tiny D*ck.”

Fate is truly a comedian.

Now, I’m destined to be the bullied lackey of the future Villainess, Sylvia von Vespera. The game script says I should lick her boots, accept her abuse, and die with her like a loyal dog.

Screw that.

Remember my last comment? “Revan is such a loser! Tiny dck! If I were you, instead of bowing down, I would squeeze her boobs and own her completely! Garbage character!”

Well, it seems God took that personally. Fine. You want a show? I’ll give you a show.

I won’t be a simp. I won’t filter my words anymore. I’ll let my intrusive thoughts win. I’ll turn this trash plot upside down—even if I have to slap every “Genius” in this academy to do it.