Chapter 265: 265. Crimson Fuck*r
[You can read chapters in advance, OP and GOT fic on -patreon.com/misterimmortal.]
"So, what have you been up to recently? Any new projects or such?" Hector was still entertaining Rocket, wondering what this little guy's story was. He was always fascinated and interested in his character.
Rocket lazily rested and talked. "Nothing much, I just found out there is a species on this planet that looks like me, but they are not that smart. So I think I was one of them once... I don't remember much from my childhood."
"So you were taken from Earth? That does make you a Raccoon, then."
Rocket nodded. "I guess it does then, old man. I wonder how long will be my lifespan."
"Do you want me to heal those marks on your back? I can pretty much do anything. I am god at this point. Just say it, and you shall have it." He offered.
Rocket was a street-smart man, so he knew there was something at play. "Why are you being so nice to me? Nobody is nice to me usually."
Hector sighed. "Well, I guess I have a stick up my ass these days telling me to do good, help people and such... at least before I leave."
"You're dying? Well, you do seem pretty old." Rocket interpreted it the wrong way. "And yeah, I'd be happy to get rid of those scars. They always itch."
Hector chuckled as he snapped his finger and helped him. "Do you know who experimented on you? I can punish anyone in the whole Universe right now."
Rocket tried to think about the person who did it. "Hmm, I don't remember much. He was pinkish-red. That's all I know. He also had a big head with a fin antenna."
"Pink with an antenna? Got it." Hector snapped his finger and summoned a few aliens that fit the criteria. But, they all seemed very strange.
"Is it any of these?" He inquired.
Rocket looked at them carefully while lazily sitting with an arched back. "Hmm, that one isn't even a humanoid, and is that a worm? That has no legs. I don't think it was any of them."
Hector rubbed his beard and sent the aliens away. "Alright, let's make the search smaller. Come forth, the one who experimented on this little furry boy."
*WOOSH*
And there appeared a pink man with a strange head. He seemed to be humanoid enough and looked dangerous, well, not for him.
"That's it! The fucker who experimented on me!" Rocket shouted.
Hector pointed his finger and forced the person down on his knees. "Who are you? Teletubbies?"
The man looked at Hector in shock. "Federation President? What do you wish from me? I have broken no laws. I am a scientist."
"Evil is the keyword there, lad. You hurt this furry boy, so you're gonna die. But I do wonder who you are. Where did you find his lad?"
"The Raccoon? I found him on Earth... I, too, am a human, President. But I have evolved-"
Rocket jumped up. "Woah! You killed him! He's ashes now..."
Hector shrugged and headed to the kitchen. "Well, he was going to be a narcissistic young master. I could see that from his voice. And he was a top-class sinner. You want to drink something?"
"Yeah, sure."
Hector then called Moony and Fenris. "You two, make friends with Rocket, he's small, and hence you must protect him."
"Pow!"
Little Michu was also there and barked, proudly showing his little fangs because he wanted to protect too. "Bwahaha... of course, you too, Michu. You are the fiercest of all folks. Come, sit here on my lap. Where is your grandma, by the way?"
"Wuwu!" ~Mum went to buy groceries.~ Moony replied.
"Well, let's cook a meal for her then. I can create all groceries with a snap, after all. Rocket, come with me, lad. I will teach you how to cook." He called the little Raccoon.
Rocket, however, didn't even fight him. He was as docile as a kid, and for some reason, he was enjoying being treated like a child by this ancient man. It was as if... he had a parent.
~What's wrong with me? I'm not such a softie.~ He shook his head.
"Pow!"
Rocket looks down at the puppy. Well, his heart melted, and all his resolves dissolved.
...
Africa, Somalia
"Brother, just one more ship, and we will quit after that. This is the last one!"
"No, Abroone, we cannot! Somalia is already seeing better days with the help of the President. If we go out anymore to hijack ships, we will be killed. That's the international law now. I have a daughter to care for, and I have my mobile repair shop. I can help you open a shop too."
"Ugh, forget it. I will do it on my own then. You've gone too soft. When I have millions of dollars, you will see me with envy."
"There is still time. We don't have to be pirates anymore. There are enough job opportunities!"
Abroone didn't listen and went ahead with his plan to hijack an oil tanker. He had assembled a team of lazy men who wanted quick money rather than work like everyone else.
So they went off the coast and between the Gulf of Aden and the Arabian Sea. There they targeted a large oil tanker and went ahead to climb it. They did not see any pushback, however.
Pa! Pa!
However, as they got on the tanker, they heard saxophone music. They looked, and there it was, a masked man in a Dirndl dress, looking at them and playing the music whole humping the air.
The men fell to their knees all of a sudden as fear took over them.
"I-It's the! My gods! It's the Crimson Fucker! Why is he here?"
Deadpool walked forward while still playing music. However, even when he stopped using the saxophone, the music kept coming.
Abroone was confused. "H-How are you playing it?"
"Boy, the mouth is not the only place air comes out of. Now, will you be a good boy or a bad boy? Because my sword is really thirsting to taste some blood." Deadpool asked them.
The pirates knelt down and apologized. "We will accept the punishment. Please don't kill us."
"Well, the international laws say I can kill you. But, I guess everyone needs a chance. Cool, I need you all to go and jump into the sea and swim back to the shore."
The pirates looked around. There was no shore visible. "But... the shore is so far away."
"Did I stutter?"
They quickly ran to jump into the sea and started to swim towards their motorboat. However, Deadpool then aimed his saxophone at the boat and pressed a button.
*WOOSH*
A missile projectile went out and exploded with the boat. The six men looked back at the ship in horror, only to find Deadpool back playing the Saxophone again as the ship moved away.
After that day, the six men were never seen again. But the legend of Crimson Fucker continued.
...
Avengers Tower
"Okay, we are going to eradicate this base next."
It was a meeting before the team of heroes went out to deal with mutants that have formed gangs and are focusing on crimes. Steve was the leader, as always, since he had a better experience in leading.
"Jarvis, show me the scans of the bunker they have built," Tony ordered, making a hologram appear in the middle of the table.
Natasha frowned after seeing cages in there. "They are kidnapping others?"
"Mutants, they wish to brainwash them." Bruce Banner added.
[BREAKING NEWS]
All of a sudden, everyone turned to look at the television on the side.
[Latest News is coming from Africa. An unknown man by the name of Crimson F-word is wracking havoc by killing any smuggler or crime lord he finds. This has been the third time this week that a crime lord has been killed in the open. So who is this Crimson F-Word? Where did he come from? What is his aim?...]
Tony blankly watched the news. "Is he one of our guys?"
Natasha briefed. "Mister President hired him."
"Really? Crimson Fucker?" Tony barked in shock.
"Language." Steve was quick to remind.
But they couldn't help but feel strange about this Crimson Fucker. It gave a bad name to all superheroes.
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