Chapter 47: Chapter 1.4
Another past that must be told
Every morning when I woke up, I thought This bed is way too hard.
"My poor lower back..." I stretched, joints cracking and popping.
It couldn't be right to treat a growing girl like this. I couldn't actually complain, though. I had to be grateful that they were taking care of me at all.
"I'd better take my temperature."
That was the second thing I did every morning. As I slipped the thermometer into my pajama top, my eyes fell on the IV needle in my right hand. I was used to it, but seeing a needle sticking into me wasn't pleasant.
"So, 37.2 degrees Celsius."
My temperature was about what it always was, basically normal. I wrote it down, then climbed back into the hard bed to wait for breakfast. I'd lived like this for twelve whole years, ever since I was born.
I had a congenital heart disease, and I lived quietly in a hospital room. I couldn't go out and play with friends, and the only people who came to visit me were doctors on their rounds.
That was because I didn't have parents. From what I heard, they'd abandoned me soon after I was born. Yes, I was a tragic heroine, saddled with a backstory that even tearjerker dramas would turn down these days. All alone in the world, with an incurable illness. Right now, I was in a sickroom in a facility that took in kids who'd been discarded by their parents.
"Haaah, this sucks, huh?" I tried to comfort myself. Why was I the only one who had to go through stuff like this? "Arrrrgh... Maybe a prince will come and take me away."
Would he get me out of this hard bed and whisk me off to some distant country? ...And as fantasies went, was that one too cringey?
"Since I'm not a prince, should I come back some other time, Nagisa?"
Without warning, somebody called my name. When I looked in that direction, I saw a shape in the window... And this room was on the third floor. I smiled wryly. Geez. I can't believe she does this every time.
"Why are you ignoring me, hm?"
The figure slipped a strange tool in through the window, pried open the lock, and climbed into the room. Apparently I wasn't going to be able to pretend I hadn't noticed her.
"What do you want, Siesta?"
I shot the intruder a pointed glare.
"Here your friend's gone out of her way to visit you, and you're as cold as ever."
Siesta brought a round stool over from the corner and sat down by the bed, as if she did this all the time. I said the only people who came to visit me were doctors, but I'd forgotten the troublemaking friends I'd made lately.
One of them was Siesta. She had pale silver hair and blue eyes. I was one hundred percent Japanese, and I couldn't have been more jealous of her looks.
"Huh? Your face is kind of grubby."
There was a smudge of black soot on Siesta's cheek. Normally, her skin was so fair it gave her hair a run for its money.
"Oh, I was making a bomb and something went wrong, so I got dirty." "You say that like you were making mud balls." C'mon, it's still early in
the morning. What is this kid doing? "You shouldn't make bombs anymore." I scolded Siesta with a sentence I was sure I'd never get to say again as long as I lived.
"But I might want to blow something up one day. Like a corporation." "Well, you shouldn't do that either. No matter what your reasons are." The
last thing I wanted was a friend who got arrested for setting off a bomb at her office because she hated her job.
"Well, she's the one who first suggested building bombs." "Oh..."
I knew where this was going, but I didn't have to like it. "Use my name already!"
Another girl, this one with long pink hair, poked her head through the window after Siesta. She was as cute as a doll...but as you can tell, my second bad friend wasn't at all ladylike.
"...Haaah. So you're here too, huh?"
As I looked at the pair, my shoulders slumped. Frankly, when these two
were in the same place, it got as noisy as a house party of Americans who'd gotten together to watch football.
"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?! You're mean, Nana!" She clambered down into the room and pummeled me lightly with her fists. Guess that really rubbed her the wrong way
"The three of us are BFFs!" "...We were, weren't we?"
"We are! Present tense! I write down what we did in my diary every day!" "Yes, yes, all right, Ali."
These two were my recently acquired "bad friends," and they were both really strange.
All the kids at this facility were good about doing what the adults told them. I suspected it was because they had a nagging fear of being abandoned again. But these two were the odd ones out, making bombs and climbing the walls to get into my hospital room, which was technically off-limits. Seriously, they were shockingly weird.
"And why are you looking at us like we wear you out, Nagisa?" Siesta shot me a cold, cross look.
"Oh, I was just thinking that kids are cute when they're a handful." "...Of the three of us, I think I'm the most mature, you know."
"Nana, did you just say I was cute? Eh-heh-heh, lookit, look! This dress is handmade!"
"I didn't mean it like that, and don't twirl around. I can see your panties." "Wow, you're right. Then you twirl too, Sisi. We'll beat Nana with
numbers that way."
"I want no part of that majority vote. And don't call me Sisi."
Our conversations always went like this. Somebody would say something dumb, and then somebody else would point out how dumb it was. Then we'd all crack up.
To me, that daily routine was—
"Excuse me." Just then, there was a knock at the door, and a man in his sixties entered. He was wearing a white lab coat. "How are you feeling... Well. You two are here too, I see."
The man was a doctor, and the director of this orphanage. As he noticed the other two, he gave a wry smile, although he knew that getting mad at them wouldn't do any good.
"They sent you this." "...? Ooh!"
He'd handed me a new teddy bear. As far as gifts went, it did seem a little childish for me, but honestly, it was really cute.
"If I recall, they have a daughter who's about three years younger than you girls, so they may have had that age in mind."
The present was from a certain wealthy Japanese couple. From what I heard, they donated large amounts of money to this orphanage, and they also sent us gifts at regular intervals. I'd never met them, but the idea that they were thinking of us made me happy.
"Well? What did you need?" Siesta asked the doctor, rather suddenly. She seemed to know he hadn't come here just to give me a present.
"...I'm no match for you, am I." The doctor gave another bitter smile. "Actually, I'd like all three of you to give me a little help before breakfast today. It has to be done on an empty stomach."
"I see. All right."
Siesta nodded, without attempting to fight; it wouldn't have done any good anyway.
Ali planted her hands on her hips and said, "If I must," as if she was used to it. But as for me...
"You look pretty reluctant." The doctor glanced at me. He sounded troubled. We had this exchange every single time. But I didn't care what he
said to me; this was something I just couldn't—
"This will benefit you kids as well, you know. You understand that, don't you?"
"...Yes."
Oh, I understood, all right. In the end, I always had to do what the adults said.
"Thank you for your cooperation—Number 602."
With a satisfied smile at doing what he came to do, the doctor turned to leave the room. "You got it wrong," I called after him. I had to say something. "My name isn't Number 602. It's Nagisa."
Nagisa. That was the name Siesta had given me.
They only called me by a number here, but she'd given me a name. "...Yes, that's right." The doctor looked back again, smiled gently, and
left.
"Nagisa..." Siesta was gazing at me as if she wanted to say something. "Yes, I know."
Thinking of the painful hours that lay ahead, I nodded.
The "help" the doctor was referring to had to do with the medication trials
this facility conducted.
The orphanage's operating costs were covered by using the children as clinical trial subjects.
Almost like a detective
The medication trials were conducted once every two weeks or so.
The facility's several dozen children were the test subjects, and even though I had a weak heart, I wasn't exempted. They made me participate every time. They said there was data they could get precisely because I wasn't healthy, but that did mean the burden on me was greater than it was for the others.
The trials had a lot of side effects; we'd come down with fevers, throw up, or even develop burning pain all over. Still, our hard work helped keep the facility going...and the sense of mission, the idea that they were helping create medicines for unknown diseases, kept the children going.
I had one more special reason to work hard: my troublemaking friends.
First, there was Siesta. We'd made friends a few months ago; before that, I'd always been on my own. I didn't know which facility had sent her here, or even what country she was from. I tended to get depressed, though, and she'd come to play and talk with me almost every day.
Then, through her, I'd met another friend.
"I found something funny," Siesta had said when she brought Ali to me one day. Almost as if she were bringing me a new toy. She hadn't been wrong, though: When I was with her, I really never got bored...and although I might complain, I always looked forward to the days when they came to visit.
—And yet.
"Why aren't they coming?"
The last time I'd seen them was on the day of the clinical trial. For one day, three days, a week after that, they hadn't come to my room at all. Had I made them mad somehow? Or had something happened to them?
"...Where did they go?"
All I could do was wait for them to come to my room again. I was lonely, but I'd just have to deal. I'd been on my own all along anyway.
Besides, I'd fought with Siesta a lot. Maybe it was better this way. Yes, I was lonely, but there was no way around it.
...Am I lonely?
I was disgusted with myself for being so spoiled. I wanted to throw my whole revolting self away.
Arrrgh, I wish someone would just take over for me.
"Haaaaah." I heaved a big sigh that nobody else would ever hear.
"People say that every time you sigh, it delays your marriage by a year." Siesta poked her head out from under my bed.
"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh!"
On reflex, I hurled the teddy bear at her. "Hey, don't yell. They'll catch me."
"Dangerous characters like you should get caught, and fast!"
Th-that scared me! I thought my heart might stop. Did she forget I've got a bad heart? I really wish she'd give me a break...
"Were you lonely?"
"...Not particularly. I haven't been alone in a long time. I was trying to enjoy it."
I got back into bed, hoping to shut down any further questions from Siesta. Times like these, the best policy was to look at the patterns on the ceiling and ignore her.
"Lying delays your marriage, you know."
This time, a section of the ceiling opened up and Ali's face appeared. "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh! Are you actually trying to give me a heart
attack?!"
I also wished they'd stop spouting weird theories I'd never heard of. How long did they want to keep me single, anyway?
"Actually, I had something kinda serious to discuss." Siesta crawled out from under the bed, then sat down on a stool at my bedside.
"Huh? Where's my chair?" Ali asked from the ceiling. "You just lie on your stomach up there and wait." "Sisi, you're being so mean to me."
Without sparing a glance for Ali, Siesta turned to me. "It's been three months since I came to this facility, and I'm starting to get concerned about something." For some reason, she glanced around the room. Then she picked up the teddy bear I'd hurled at her a minute ago. "I've been wondering why they have to run clinical trials when they get donations."
She was getting suspicious of the explanation that the facility relied on money from the trials to cover its operating expenses. She had a point. If this place was using its children as guinea pigs to earn extra money, that was a problem. We didn't want to help with those trials. We only put up with them to protect the life we knew.
"Besides, look."
There was a zipper in the teddy bear's back. Siesta unzipped it, and something fell out. My eyes widened.
There was a little machine on the floor that looked like a round battery. "It's a bug," Ali said from the ceiling, her chin resting in her hands. "The
facility's hiding something from us."
"...! You mean they're watching us? Then aren't they listening to us right now...?" I worried.
"It's all right," Siesta told me. "I made sure they'll hear a dummy audio track from this room, instead of what we say."
"Wait just a minute! When did I wander into a spy movie?!"
"That's part of the reason we haven't come to visit for a week. We were
getting ready. I'm sorry."
"Getting ready for what?! And also how?!"
Haaah, I can't find comebacks fast enough. Couldn't they be a little more considerate of my physical limitations here?
...Hm? Be considerate of my limitations?
"Did you do this for me?"
Why had Siesta developed suspicions about the facility and made her move now? Could it be because she'd seen how reluctant I was to help with that trial the other day?
"I don't know what you mean." Siesta got to her feet smoothly, acting as if she hadn't noticed a thing. "I just want to find out what this place is hiding." Her eyes seemed to be focused on something far away.
"...Heh-heh." I laughed a little behind her.
"I don't recall saying anything funny." Siesta seemed to think I was mocking her, and she turned around with a sulky face I never saw from her.
"No, that's not it." I smiled and shook my head. It was just that, when I'd seen Siesta, I'd thought...
"You seem like a detective." "All right, Sisi. Do it."
"Copy that. Here we go!" Siesta pulled me onto her back for some
unfathomable reason, following Ali's instructions. "Huh? What?! What—what—what's this...?"
"Starting now, you're going to be in on this with us, Nagisa." As usual, Siesta opened the window. Then she set a foot on the sill.
"Whoa, wait-wait-wait! Wait, okay? What are you going to do?!" I had a really, truly, horribly bad feeling about this...but by then, I had no other options.
Because, with me on her back, Siesta had already—jumped. "It's fine. My shoes can run through thin air."
"That's impossibleeeeeeeeee!"
I squeezed my eyes shut, sure I was about to die.
Girls dream of secret bases, too
"Hm. It looks like she's awake."
That was Siesta's voice. When I opened my eyes, her beautiful face was the first thing I saw.
Had I passed out after that? I was lying on a sofa. When I sat up, I realized I was in an unfamiliar room.
"Welcome to our secret base!"
That was Ali. When I turned toward her voice, she was standing there triumphantly, hands on her hips.
"Secret base?"
I looked around and noticed that the room was a little odd. "Is this all cardboard...?"
The whole place—walls, table, and even the sofa I was lying on—was made of cardboard. It was a cardboard house.
It did seem about as secret-basey as it could possibly be. The question was what they did in it, and why they'd brought me here.
"This is our strategy HQ." Siesta sat down on a cardboard chair. I noticed the plural, meaning our other troublemaking friend was involved. Of course.
"She asked me to make this, so I did. Sisi, I swear... Once she sets her mind to something, she just doesn't stop." Ali turned her palms to the ceiling in an exaggerated shrug of resignation.
"...I really wish you wouldn't call me by that silly nickname."
Siesta looked away; she seemed unusually embarrassed. She always acted very grown-up, and it was a relief to see that she had a childish side as well.
"So you said this was a strategy HQ?"
"That's right. We've made this the base for our resistance while we put together a strategy to strike back against the adults."
Siesta opened the doors of a cardboard closet. Inside were... "What...are those...?"
They were weapons. Lots of them. The sort I'd only seen in fiction. I didn't know their technical names, but there were all kinds of guns and blades of various shapes in there. Don't tell me these were the work of...
"Eh-heh-heh! I made them!" Ali flashed me a peace sign.
I'd expect no less from a little girl who made bombs for fun. Ali made all sorts of toys, calling them "inventions," so the other kids adored her. I'd never dreamed she'd made anything this crazy, though...
"But do we really need things like this?" I eyed the weapons from a safe
distance. I didn't even have the courage to touch them. "If you have something this dangerous on hand, you mean you're planning to fight the adults for real, right?"
And really, was there any need to "resist" this much? What were the adults, and this facility, hiding from us?
"Good question. We don't know yet." Siesta shook her head quietly. "There's no harm in being prepared for anything, though. We should try to resolve trouble before it even comes up."
"...Y-you're getting all complicated on me."
Is she really my age? Well, I mean, she's never told me her actual age, but...
"So what do you think?" Siesta asked. "Will you fight alongside us, Nagisa?"
To be honest, I was scared.
Not of defying the adults, though—of learning the truth. I was just scared that something was going to change irreversibly.
It wasn't that I was content with this place, of course. If finding out the truth would free us from those awful clinical trials, I couldn't even tell you how good it would be.
But these past twelve years—my whole life— I'd been here, in that hospital bed. No matter what I did, that time grabbed my legs and refused to let go.
"I..."
I couldn't find an answer right away, and I lowered my eyes.
Watching me, Siesta said, "Someday, let's just walk out there and look at the ocean in broad daylight." That made me remember our first meeting. And then: "Let's fix your heart, too. Then we'll run around at the waterline all we want. But if we're going to have a future like that—something has to change." She held her left hand out to me.
"...I guess it's not much of a choice." Giving a weary, dramatic sigh, I said, "I'll help you!" I took her hand and got to my feet.
"...Hrm. Why are you two off in your own little world over there?"
One of us seemed to be in a bad mood. Ali had her arms crossed and was standing tall—well, maybe not that tall—watching us.
"Don't be cranky. I'll give you a big hug later. Or at least Nagisa will." "Sisi, you dummy! Naaaanaaaaa!"
"Whoa, you smell like oil..."
"I was just making an inveeentiooon!"
As we watched Ali throw her tantrum, we both laughed.
If it was the three of us. If it was us, we'd be able to get over any changes, any hardship.
Somewhere along the way, all my reluctance had evaporated.
"All right, once again..." I moved so that the three of us were standing in a circle. "Let's uncover this facility's secret together!" I held my right hand out toward the other two, palm down.
"Huh? Oh. We're doing this, hm?"
"Ah-ha-ha! Nana, you're more of a little kid than I thought." "Don't yank the rug out from under me right at the end!"
We laughed, and got mad, and cheered, and made our vow together. "...Geez." How could I have embarrassed myself like that? Unbelievable. I
went back to the sofa by myself, propped my elbow on its arm, and rested my chin in my hand.
"Hm?"
When I took another look around the room, I realized there were a whole bunch of toys and stuffed animals over by the window. Were they the ones that couple always gave us? Even then, it seemed like too many for Ali to have gotten on her own.
Well, about all I could say now was...
"I think you're a hundred times more of a kid than I am, Ali."
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